Van Halen - Diver Down

Warner Bros. Records

"Diver Down" begins with a dramatic cymbal build-up to introduce the band's rendition of The Kink's "Where Have All The Good Times Gone?", with an exclamation point replacing the question mark. The tone in the guitar and voice are extremely different the in the original, replacing the melancholy nostalgia with unjustified anger, which is not a good look for this song. With the addition of ad-libbed lyric changes, show-offy guitar bits, and vocal harmonies that just don't blend well, the album is not off to a good start. 

The next song, "Hang 'em High", is one of the more lyrically interesting songs to come out of this band. It opens with an attention-grabbing guitar hook, and an unexpected yet enjoyable, almost talk-singing vocal performance from David Lee Roth. Though the sound does contain pounding, forceful drums and Eddie Van Halen manages to refrain from writing another guitar riff only for he purpose of showing off, the bass part sadly gets shoved aside and remains as uninteresting as ever. 

"Cathedral" is the first of three instrumental songs on this album, and has a hazy, slow spacey intro more familiar to 1960s psychedelic rock connoisseurs and uncharacteristic of Van Halen songs--or any eighties songs, for that matter. As the song progresses, however, the added complexity, odd chirping noises and computerized sounds which could be synthesizers or Van Halen's guitar only ruin the song. 

Following "Cathedral" is "Secrets", which continues the hazy guitar sounds but is much lighter then the previous. Lee Roth delivers the vague, unnerving lyrics in an underwhelming yet oddly dramatic tone, and the backing harmonies do little to redeem in, though instrumentally the song is enjoyable and contains little pangs of emotion. After a pleasant guitar solo comes some disconcerting non-verbal vocalizing from Lee Roth considering the possibility of the song being about a teenage girl ("She ain't waiting 'til she gets older"), but it eventually culminates in a rather satisfying conclusion. 

And now we've arrived at the second instrumental of the album. "Intruder" opens with some absolutely annoying, clanking, machinery-like sounds and unnecessary, unpleasant feedback. The song is effectively useless and only serves as a segue into the next song and for Eddie to show off his technical skill on the guitar. However, the song does succeed in emanating an ominous, unsettling energy, as if someone really did break into your house in the middle of the night and now your only goal is to survive, and the song could've worked better had that concept been expanded upon lyrically. But this is Van Halen, not Pink Floyd. 

"(Oh) Pretty Woman" is the single that started it all with this album. This is one of the rare examples of a cover being better then the original, with a nostalgia-laden guitar tone and an excellent use of Lee Roth's lower vocal range to make the lyrics sound more desperate, longing, almost pathetic. The song slows down for a nice bridge with double-tracked vocals before it picks back up again for the end, and Van Halen's version of "(Oh) Pretty Woman" is overall much more entertaining then Roy Orbison's original and is certainly one of the highlights of the album. 

The B-side of "Diver Down" kicks off with yet another cover song, this time being a version of the Martha and the Vandellas' "Dancing in the Street". If the electronics at the start that come off as far too premeditated didn't throw you off, then the fact that Lee Roth does not at all sound like he wanted to do this will probably do the trick. Along with the lacking vocal performance is the sparse, uninteresting drumming and the sheer lack of emotion present in the recording, except for maybe slight contempt coming from Lee Roth's end, the song is perpetually boring and you'd be better off listening to the Bowie/Jagger version released to promote Live Aid instead of something that sounds like it came off the Footloose soundtrack. 

The third and final instrumental on the record is "Little Guitars (intro)", which only serves the purpose to fill Eddie Van Halen's persistent need t show off on almost every kind of guitar he plays, including acoustic. Other than that, I have no idea why this song was included separately from the full "Little Guitars" and is simply useless. 

"Little Guitars" has a good groove and fun guitar work, though it was a slight disappointment to find out this song included lyrics, especially considering they aren't very interesting. There are nice transitions between the small musical segments and Lee Roth does not sound like singing the song is a chore, and the wordless vocals are entertaining. While "Little Guitars" isn't Van Halen's best work, it works within the context of the album and is worth a few listens on its own away from the rest of the record. 

Taking a much more golden oldies turn than you'd ever expect a Van Halen song could ever take comes a cover of the Milton Ager-and-Jack Yellen-penned "Big Bad Bill (is Sweet William Now)". With a bad '50s crooner impression that makes you picture Lee Roth standing in the recording booth donning Ray Charles sunglasses and in lit cigarette and a tone that makes it sound like Lee Roth had an affair with this "Bill", you can't help but wonder what the thought process was for choosing this song to cover and subsequently including it on the record instead of letting it fall to the cutting room floor. Apart from the fact that the very specific atmosphere of the '50s was accomplished and the song features Eddie Van Halen's father, Jan Van Halen, on clarinet, "Big Bad Bill (is Sweet William Now)" has absolutely nothing else going for it, expect maybe the longing to hear it in Lee Roth's distinctive, high-pitched vocal style instead of this. 

Following the golden oldies of "Big Bad Bill", the intro of "The Full Bug" contains high delta blues influence before transitioning to the usual style Van Halen does their songs in, though it seems to lack the distinctive metallic twang of the previous songs. While the lyrics are more interesting then those of the last original on the record, all "The Full Bug" is is just a sex song with silly innuendos and aggressive harmonica.

"Happy Trails" serves as the self-aware closer to "Diver Down" and as the b-side of "(Oh) Pretty Woman". It features excellent harmonies and shows that the other band members can sing, too, and is much more enjoyable then the original version or the one by Quicksilver Messenger Service. There was no better song to pick to wrap up the whole thing, and it is good to hear that the band could still have fun. 

Overall, "Diver Down" is the most random collection of songs Van Halen has ever put out. Had there been less cover songs, then maybe the album would be worth a little more time then it actually is. 

Rating: 3/5