The Waitresses - Bruiseology

Polydor Records

Perhaps this is too niche a brand of humor for me to truly "get" it, or perhaps I was being inattentive and simply not paying enough attention to the lyrics. Either way, I'm not going to apologize for the grueling review this is going to turn into. 

This is one of the worst albums I've ever heard, to put it bluntly. That's a shame, because the backing tracks are damn good! "Pleasure", the sole instrumental of the album, is easily the best of this lot of songs because it isn't poisoned by the annoying, lackluster vocal performances of Patty Donahue or Tracy Wormworth. Wormworth can at least kill it on the bass guitar, so she has something to make up for it. Patty does not. 

The instrumentation overpowers the vocal performance on the first few songs, rendering whatever "comedy" that was present in those lyrics obsolete. Most of the songs don't even have enough substance to carry their own weight, which doesn't at all justify their run-times. Donahue's voice has little to no emotion at best and is absolutely grating at worst; she lacks enunciation skills and is incredibly monotone, further aiding in the complete dissolving of any "comedy" present on this record. Her voice is simply awful to listen to for an extended period of time and it's a wonder she was ever hired as a vocalist. Maybe you should let one of your male band mates sing for once, I'm sure they sound much better.    

It's impossible to tell if "A Girl's Gotta Do" is a genuine attempt at feminism or not, and the faux-feminist valley girl "social commentary" of "Everything's Wrong if my Hair is Wrong" doesn't help. Perhaps it's just Chris Butler's sense of humor, or perhaps it's because it was the '80s, but the whole thing reeks of thinly veiled sexism. The latter doesn't even have anything to cover for it, because if the horribly executed lyrics weren't already irritating, then that saxophone part sure is!

This group takes itself far too seriously for any of this alleged comedy to actually land. The lyrics, while good, are served in a deadpan, yet not ironic enough, way for any of the comedy to actually work, and the social commentary is so forced that I'm surprised Chris Butler never wrote a book of essays on his grievances with the world. It's not nearly tongue-'n-cheek enough and the attempts at satire are pathetic. If these songs were meant to be taken seriously then there wouldn't be a problem, but knowing this was supposed to be funny just makes it all fall apart.

Y'know a group who can actually manage to be funny, satire and deadpan while still managing to sneak in social commentary? Timbuk 3. But Timbuk 3 didn't need to try to be funny, while The Waitresses are trying so damn hard and still can't manage to save themselves. Maybe if they had read Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" before writing this album, they'd have a semblance of an idea of what they're doing. 

Rating: 1.5/5