.38 Special - Wild-Eyed Southern Boys

A&M Records

Everybody knows "Hold on Loosely". A rip-roaring piece of pop rock that could easily pass as a seventies song. It's a harder-edged Cars tune, basically: fun drum rhythms, a catchy earworm, pleasing vocals. The perfect stadium song. Not much else to be said--it's popular for a reason.

The noxious, down-'n-sour guitar tone of "First Time Around" feels like taking a dip in an acid bath after the sunny-ness of "Hold on Loosely". The chorus doesn't stick, the lack of any distinct change between it and the verse is incredibly boring. This could easily pass as a Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band, even including the typical southern rock guitar solo--nothing outstanding about it. The song is uninspired all the way through. The band is just going through the motions, nothing unique or distinct happening at all. 

You'd think the title track of an album called "Wild-Eyed Southern Boys" would be wanton and salacious, but even the guitar playing manages to be sterile. It's lame, like a horse with a broken leg that should be taken out back and shot. It borders on roller rink music. Family-friendly seventies club music at best. 

"Back Alley Sally" is about the most fun you can find on this record apart from the opener. It's a bit catchier, and whoever is singing (I didn't bother to learn any of these people's names) actually sounds like he's having fun. The piano works as an engaging touch and theoretically it's a good dancing tune. Definitely about a prostitute, so I guess some of the energy from the album cover carried over. This is a decent song all around, and would've made a good single that had chart potential if it leaned a bit more in the power-pop direction. 

A sugary song is "Fantasy Girl". We're leaning more in a Babys/Styx direction now, with freindly instrumentation and warm, smooth vocals that are sweet like honey. The crystallized, solidified lead is complimented by a luminous rhythm part, but there isn't anything special and the drum and bass and it doesn't have enough substance to make the four minute runtime worth it. 

"Hittin' & Runnin'" is a song that stays long after it's hour and is one you can disregard completely. The guitar is listless, the rest of the instruments torpid, the vocals simple and ungrounded. Nothing ear-catching in sight. 

On "Honky Tonk Dancer" is a decent groove with just enough energy to make it vaguely memorable. The vocals don't sound tired, they have abit more of a thrill to them. Unfortunately, the instruments are still lagging heavily behind, so they come across as unenthusiastic. The lyrics are unoriginal. 

"Throw Out The Line" is Elvin Bishop pastiche. This band wants to be Elvin Bishop so bad. 

We're back to the Skynyrd-vengeance stylings with the obligatory anger directed at women on "Bring It On". I have a feeling they were trying to go for that dangerous type of allure that Skynyrd possessed, but the attempt landed flat on its face. 

"Wild-Eyed Southern Boys" was a steady decline of an album made by a wholly mediocre group of musicians. I would like to say that .38 Special has the potential to be a great band, that they could have something really fantastic on their hands, but I can't say it because it's not true. This band has the potential to be forgotten in a warped, dusty, battered pile of $1 records in the back closet of a bankrupt antique store in Rosine, Kentucky. If I'd known this was southern rock before I started listening I wouldn't've even bothered to put it on. 

Rating: 2.7/5